On Shame # 1 Zelda's story

On Shame: 

Zelda's story

You might be stuck in a dance of shame because you grew up with a parent  that could not support and protect you.

Take Zelda, she is a talented successful woman who owns her own award-winning medical clinic. But every time she has a win in her life, her mother attacks her. 

Zelda spent years feeling ashamed of herself. 

She danced between shame about her looks and her too tall body,

 to shame about her academic and financial successes, 

while her unstable siblings got all her mother’s attention.

But worst of all, 

she was ashamed she still wanted

her mother’s approval and love.

Because she never got it, she lived in a quasi-numb state. 

And this meant that instead of being able to listen to herself and 

find the words to speak up when she was wronged

-she would just put her head down, 

assume there was something wrong with herself, 

and work harder. 

This meant she had more and more success 

and more and more subtle and not so subtle abuse from her mother.

Well, the last time she had a big event when her mother attacked her, 

she was in the Whole Body Recovery Program with her

cohort of lively supportive women

---and they got it!

They got how much it hurts to be rejected by your mom 

when all you want to do is share your success with her (Mom) 

and have her be moderately sane and proud. 

They got how she needed help standing up for herself because it's scary to 

reject your own mother even if she’s hurting you.

Children will feel ashamed they still actively want their parents' love 

even if there is no hope of them getting it.  

Amazingly, that hope can keep children alive until they grow up and leave home.

This same hope, left unexplored, can keep parts of them frozen as an adult.

Finding a supportive smart safe group of women to rally around her helped Zelda to realize

a) she wasn’t alone, others wrestled with still wanting their mother’s approval as an adult  

b) her mother was wrong about her

c) she could share her feelings of confusion and hurt and that diminished Shames’ power 

d) by attuning to her body in the somatic exercises she could feel herself as a separate person 

from her mother---which allowed her to see herself in a new light.

Zelda could see herself swinging her legs as she walked, 

like the tall woman she was and not looking back over her shoulder out of fear. 

She could let her partner tell her she was beautiful and stay open to the idea. 

And, she could let go of having to have a solution for her Mother Problem

and her Mother’s Problems’

and live more of her life in the present. 

Perhaps you have felt under-supported because you missed having a cheerleading squad 

when you were growing up.

The body will tell us these things and bring them up for healing when we take the time to pay attention.

It’s not too late to learn how to sit with your feelings 

and get really good support that helps de-shame your younger self. 

When you let go of shame (or shame lets go of us!) 

your head rises up, 

your shoulders drop,

 allowing your arms arc and swing 

so you can skip, saunter, slide or two-step forwards... 

If you want to explore moving forwards 

and gathering with a group of women who are wanting to resolve shame 

and work deeply with their own body-recovery

 book a discovery call here to see if this program is a good fit for you .