Recovery from loss of self is possible
Recovery from loss of self is possible
Few things are as confusing as finding yourself in a situation where there’s a huge conflict between your inner and outer realities,
and you can’t figure out how to make the best decisions for yourself.
If you have been through a big life-changing event
(caretaking, illness, divorce, job loss, early trauma, current trauma, etc...)
and you had an early insecure attachment relationship with a primary caregiver,
you can revert to a place of mistrust and insecurity–even if you are currently surrounded by safe supportive people.
The distrust of others will translate to your relationship with yourself, and you begin to lose trust in your own inner guidance.
Your energy becomes focused on protecting yourself and you miss any and all the signals about your own well-being. They are buried beneath your survival needs and drowned out by neuro-chemical messages telling you it's time to respond to danger.
In time, this can show up as a sense of alienation from parts of yourself.
Like a mother who struggles to feel attached to her child after a traumatic event, we can also<> lose secure attachment to ourselves, becoming numb, confused, shut down, distant or lost.
We may struggle to grasp what’s really happening, but during these uniquely difficult periods we have become unreliable–like a bad boyfriend who doesn’t get you at all and keeps having awful ideas for you on how to improve yourself.
When we cannot feel ourselves, we tend to make bad decisions for ourselves.
I remember when I was a counseling intern, all the other interns had graduated
so I was the only referral the clinic could offer to new clients–and I took every referral!
I was new to counseling and working night and day with extremely difficult cases
including a client who spent his sessions yelling at me about what a bad therapist
I was because I hadn’t saved his relationship
(cue more yelling and berating on his part).
My whole body became numb, my thyroid gland went crazy, and I moved like a 1000 pound robot from one day to the next.
All I had to do was say ‘no’–but I couldn’t remember how to use that word.
Yes, I wanted the hours, yes, I wanted the experience, yes, I was always up for a challenge, but any of my supervisors would have supported me in however I needed to adjust my schedule.
I just couldn’t feel my body and soul to guide me in making a good decision for myself because I was scared, overwhelmed and out of touch.
It happens, and if it’s happened to you, you know what I am talking about. Like many people I work with, maybe you’ve tried a gajillion things but still haven’t figured out how to turn to yourself as a source of wisdom.
Maybe it’s time for an intervention.
That experience of losing myself as an intern that was trying to do a good job was so scary that I literally changed my whole life–I changed my diet, healed my thyroid, started dancing every day, sought counsel from older wiser therapists and followed their advice until I could feel and hear myself again. And I recovered.
I never realized that listening to others without listening to yourself could be so dangerous. In fact, my thyroid specialist told me that female therapists who spend all day listening to others made up the largest portion of her client-base.
I enjoy my work now. In fact, I love my work! I have the honor of offering a group body recovery program to women that can help them recover from precisely these types of life-stopping experiences.
If you’re in a place of disconnection from yourself, I’m thinking of you and rooting for you in your journey.
With the right support, your recovery is possible.
____________
I’m so happy I signed up for Margery's course,
I was hoping to feel more loving,
and now I am able to connect to myself, my family
and clients in a more present and loving way.
Margery and her team show such gentle kindness,
which creates the open hearted learning.
Diana, ABM practitioner
