Notes On Caretaking

Dear Friends,

I want to talk to you about caretaking. 

Because caretaking has been such a part of my need for my own Body Recovery,

I think about it all the time. 

How can we care and love one another and not lose ourselves? 

These emails that are coming in a flurry are drawn from my somatic research about what helps me come back to myself and what dilemmas caretaking has created for my clients. 

Caretaking is an ethical principled approach to the reality that some people 

have more capacity than others. 

This is the core of human evolution-why we have continued as a human race. 

Don't let anyone tell you it's survival of the fittest--that's a five minute event. 

Loving and caring for someone is a duration event-we are human-beings, in this together. 

Independence is based on having had someone care for you when you were dependent. 

You are here because someone chose to care for you instead of eat you. 

That is why we are still here on the planet.

Remember it's kindness and community that carried us forwards. 

And therein lies the conflict:

My person (child, parent, friend) needs me to care for them 

because they are fragile, ill, or new.  

And I can do that for a while until something breaks. 

And if it's scary, long-term, and involving lots of helplessness, after a while,

I fracture. 

I lose my reason for living or persisting in my own vision.  

Instead of getting my impetus back--I falter, and stumble, and may lose my way. 

Without a clear sense of myself,  

I can't hear my inner messages that tell me what's best for me. 

My body-mind split.

At this juncture, I am more likely to make the wrong choices, 

trust the wrong people, 

and lose time, money and my faith in myself. 

Yes! I am talking from experience here ! 

And baby---it hurts so bad! 

If this has happened to you, you know exactly what I am talking about.  

Things fall apart in a particularly humiliating way

-right when you are most depleted.

And possibly friends and family, wanting to be supportive, are telling you what a saint you are-right when what you need most is a path back to yourself . 

I call it The Cardboard Saint Phenomena. 

All of your interactions with people are centered around caretaking-you are either talking about it, complaining about it, being proud of yourself for it, seeking support for it, or dreading it---sometimes all in the same day! 

And what I continue to find most useful is a way back to myself-that includes all parts of me: my body, my mind, my heart, and soul-

that also provides and permission to talk and move from the place of disconnection into the millions of places of connection. 

 If you are seeking reconnection to self-I suggest allowing yourself to move from and through your places of disconnection alone and in community.

This is my practice and this is a big part of what I am sharing with others.  

Wish you well and hoping we can all stay connected in these times,

Margery